TEMPER TANTRUMS - Mrs. Brinda Jaisingh

 

Temper Tantrums are a result of too much frustration just as phobias result from too much anxiety. When the child is very frustrated, the toddler is liable to extremes of rages as to extremes of fear. Cause of Frustration in the child 1.  Independence and frustration : As the toddler is rapidly developing, a sense of being a separate independent person develops in him. He wants to assert himself and it is his right to do so. He often wants to do things which the adult world cannot allow, and still he is very small and incompetent. His efforts at independence lead to frustration.

2.  Frustration by Adults : Adults can easily frustrate the toddler's new sense of independence, his feelings about himself as a separate person and his sense of dignity. As soon as he feels that he is being forced or pressurized, he will kick up a row.

3.  Frustration by objects : As the child still is not physically strong and still lacks muscular co-ordination, he often gets frustrated by the play objects. e.g. he cannot force the square bricks into the round holes of hammer-peg toy.

4.  Frustration by his own body and size : When a toddler understands what objects are supposed to do, and how to make them do it, but cannot manage as he is too little or weak, then frustration builds in him e.g. the toddler may long to push his sisters pram, but too small to reach the handle of the pram.


What is a Tantrum ?
A tantrum is like a emotional blown fuse, and it is not something which the toddler can prevent. This is because the parents fail to strike the right balance between the amount of frustration useful to your child's learning and the amount which is too much. Thus when he is acutely frustrated he bursts out into a tantrum. More than half of two year olds will have a tantrum atleast once a day, while very few children will reach their 3rd birthday without ever experiencing one.

Toddlers who have a lot of tantrums are usually lively children, who may be highly intelligent. They know what they want to do, they want to do a great many things and they mind a great deal when someone or something prevents them. When the tantrum lasts, the toddler is lost to the world, he sees no reasoning and is uncontrollable. However unpleasant your toddlers tantrums are for you, they are much worse for him.


Behaviour during a tantrum

1.	He may rush around the room wild and screaming. Anything that comes in his path will be knocked flying. If he is not protected, he may hurt himself by banging into solid walls and heavy furniture.
2.	He may fling himself on the floor, writhing, kicking and screaming. He may scream and scream till he makes himself sick.
3.	Breath holding tantrums alarm many a parent. The child may go without breathing for a long time, and his face may become greyish and he almost looses consciousness. However, his body reflexes will reassert themselves and force air back into the lungs long before he is in any danger.

Handling Tantrums

1.	Organize your toddlers life in such a way that his frustrations remain within the limits of his tolerance.
2.	Prevent the child from getting hurt or hurting anyone or anything else. It is easiest to keep the toddler safe, if you hold him gently on the floor. Slowly he may relax and cuddle into your arms. His screams may turn into sops, and he becomes a pathetic baby. A few toddlers however refuse to be handled and trying to do so will only heighten his tantrum. The best thing is to remove anything he is obviously going to break and fend him off from physically hurting himself.
3.	Don't try to argue or demonstrate with your child as he is beyond reason.
4.	Don't let the child feel rewarded or punished for a tantrum. e.g if he threw a tantrum because you would not allow him to go out to the garden, don't change your mind and let him out now. Equally, if you had been going to take him for a walk before he had the tantrum, you should take him all the same as soon as he is calm again.
5.	Don't let the tantrums embarrass you in public : Many parents dread tantrums in public places, but you must not let your toddler sense your concern. Once he realises that his genuine uncontrollable tantrums are having an effect on you, he is bound to learn to use them.