| b. |
Since bullies have a low
self-esteem, they want to potray an image of being powerful or in control, therefore they
behave in such a manner. |
| c. |
Bullies want to
feel more important. |
| d. |
Bullies may
attempt to achieve popularity among friends and use this approach to gain popularity. |
|
|
| Types
of Bullying |
| a. |
Physical
bullying such as kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, etc. |
| b. |
Verbal bullying
such as calling names, spreading rumours or persistent teasing. |
| c. |
Emotional
bullying such as excluding a child from group activities and hampering him emotionally. |
| d. |
Sexual bullying
such as unwanted physical contact. |
|
|
| Reasons
for being Bullied |
| a. |
A child, who is
more anxious and insecure than his peers, is an easy target for bullying. They realize
these children are less likely to retaliate. |
| b. |
Some children
are more intelligent than their friends. They may score a high percentage to get their
peers jealous and may resort to bullying. |
| c. |
A meek, feeble
physical structure often attracts the bigger stronger boys to bully the weaker ones. |
| d. |
A very low
self-esteem also is an easy target to be bullied. |
|
|
| Sign
to recognize that your child is being Bullied |
| a. |
Sudden appearance of bruises. |
| b. |
Avoiding, going to school. |
| c. |
Mysterious illnesses or stomach
aches. |
| d. |
Feeling very low and insecure. |
| e. |
Disinclination to go to play. |
|
|
If you learn that your child is being bullied, try to help him in the
following ways |
| a. |
Talk it out with your child. |
| b. |
Tell him you understand his
problems. |
| c. |
Comfort him and
assure him that you are there for him anytime. |
| d. |
Do not
overreact as you can further affect the child. |
| e. |
Reassure your child that he did
not cause the bullying. |
| f. |
Explain to him
that usually children who are confused or unhappy are the one's who bully. |
| g. |
Help him to regain his sense of
dignity and self-esteem. |
| h. |
Complain to a
higher authority, i.e. principal or teacher if a bully tries to physically / sexually
abuse your child. |
| i. |
Ask your child
to confront the bully, eye to eye and look into his eye and tell the bully, "I do not
like your teasing, stop it". |
| j. |
Tell him to be
in big group for some time, as this will keep a child away from being victimized. |
|
|
| If
you realize your child is a Bully |
| a. |
Do not over react. |
| b. |
Try not to
become angry or defensive as this could make a bad situation even worse. |
| c. |
Bullying often
stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out what is troubling your child. |
| d. |
Try to control your own
aggression. |
| e. |
If any sibling
is bullying or teasing your child, stop it immediately. |
| f. |
Praise your child for good and
appropriate behaviour. |
| g. |
Spend a lot of
time with him, pay attention to his needs. |
| h. |
Build a good
rapport with him and share his day to day happenings. Tell your child's teacher that he is
trying to change, so that she could cooperate and help the child to change. |
Mohan's parents came to the child guidance clinic very anxious. They
were concerned about Mohan's behaviour in school and in the neighborhood. They were tired
of complaints.
Mohan, an active six year old hates the constraints of classroom life and is repeatedly
frustrated when he is not able to achieve what he wants. He hates friends who dominate
others. He always wants to be the leader in all his playgroups. He tends to mumble when he
speaks, mispronouncing words and using short, poorly sequenced sentences. When he has an
urgent need to communicate an idea, he expresses himself physically rather then verbally.
The urge to push, grab, hug and wrestle strikes him long before he thinks of talking
things out. Many of his friends avoid him for fear of becoming one of his targets. Most of
the boys parents, unsure of how to deal with Mohan's frequent tears and wild behaviour,
discourage his presence in their homes.
He has problems with writing and is restless during class hours. Mohan is aware of his
academic shortcomings, but is powerless to change his activity level and attention span.
He cannot accept defeat. He must win all the time.
In school, he requires a place to work where he cannot create too many distractions for
others, a place to calm down when he becomes upset and lots of support and encouragement
in the form of pats, hugs and handshakes. This bullying nature is really a compensation
for his low inferiority feeling that he is not as good as children who rank in the top
five in class. His poor self-concept further makes him desire to win in games and be a
leader.
Treatment
In therapy sessions with the counsellor, Mohan is helped to concentrate on his work, by
the undivided attention of the counsellor. He is encouraged to do physical education and
join art classes. He is firmly told that bullying would not work any more, as everyone has
a right to win and sometimes one has to lose.
Teachers and his parents were asked to remain non-judgmental in their remarks towards him
and to show interest in his complaints about others. He needed to be listened to. He felt
many a time that he had been labelled once too often.
It was made to understand that bullying and dominance was a compensatory strategy, which
Mohan used to cover his real or imaginary weakness. He needed to feel more secure and
self-confident and he should not place himself in very competitive situations.
